Hipster Beard & Athletic Performance – Shave for Safety?

Hipster Beard Dangers

Is there any truth to the rumor that the heavy, overgrown hipster beard can cause problems with high intensity workouts?


According to some fitness experts (none we know or trust) the long, overgrown hipster beard can add to the likelihood of heat exhaustion. This possibility is only present if the exerciser is already overheating and out of shape. The bearded man can over heat while over-training, possibly because he joined a workout program he’s completely incapable of participating in. He likely joined a CrossFit program or a group exercise class at some trendy boutique place because he heard it was cool. He was motivated to fit in and be around other bearded cool people. This hip gentleman was probably eager to show off his beard and ‘still working on it” man bun to his new rad workout buddies.

Additional Side Effects to the Hipster Beard

  • The metro-sexual lumberjack look isn’t cool, it just isn’t. You look like the guy that makes tea and snacks for all the other lumberjacks, possibly offering back rubs at the end of a long day of work. Think of the character Jason Priestly played in Tombstone, not exactly 100% cowboy but he had his place in the gang.
  • The ladies you’ll attract with the hipster beard are even more insecure than you are.
  • It doesn’t compliment your expensive eyeglasses, nor do the glasses compliment the beard…it’s just a mess no matter how you look at it.
  • You think people are looking at you all the time- They Are. It is certainly an attention getter- people instinctively look for food in a big beard but they will never tell you if they see some, they’ll tell their friends instead.
  • Your mom will start to wonder if you’re homeless.

Bottom Line:

Only men living in extremely cold climates have a good excuse to grow a massive beard and rest assured those guys don’t also ride a Vespa scooter and sip lattes at a coffee shop while talking to their bearded friends about the workout they were doing when they suffered from heat stroke.

Gents, shave off that goofy beard and get attention for something other than your long-term commitment to facial hair. Commit to exercise like you did to not shaving and you’ll be in great shape in no time.


Kendra Allen

Currently blogging for Level 9 Fitness, health & fitness nut Kendra Allen loves all forms of exercise and blogs about fitness and exercise trends. She's experienced in yoga, resistance training, muscle confusion, rock climbing and so much more.

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